Sundays are important, not only for church or the big Sunday dinner; but they seem set apart for visitation. As one of the inmates of a congregate living facility, let me set the scene for you from my point of view.
I have just finished dinner with three other residents. Conversation looked animated but in truth was somewhat predictable. We all knew the pattern.
"Oh, you've been here almost two months?"
"Where are you from?"
Nobody listens to the answers because we know without a doubt that we will forget the details and have to ask the same questions all over again. The next two questions follow hard on the heels of the first two.
"Are your children living around here?"
"How long have you been a widow?"
And there, in a nutshell, lies the kernel of hope that this dialogue might produce more than meaningless chatter while waiting for dinner to be served. On a rare occasion it does do exactly that. But this is Sunday. So there is more digging to be done.
"Are your children coming to see you today?" And the flicker of expectancy across the dining table dies slowly as the smile fades. For visits can be life-giving or plunge the one visited into deep depression for the rest of the day.
But I am just finishing out my tenth year in a retirement living facility for independent seniors. And here it is that I would like to grab the mike and broadcast a few suggestions for our visitors and those residents lucky enough to have cornered a visitor. For the visitor:
Try to eliminate the "How are you really, Mom?" quiz. She already knows exactly how she is and is well informed about the health of most every other resident, so she would like to change the subject and get on with it.
Stretch her horizons by telling her something about your life. Perhaps she'd like to know if the office crybaby has found more shoulders to weep upon. Spice up her life with a little office gossip. Make her laugh with a water-cooler joke.
Don't show her that your parking meter is running Sure, there is always a time limit for any visit, but if you can't wait until the timer dings, don't bother visiting. Give her the respect she deserves after all those years of mothering you. Don't leave your coat on or jiggle your car keys nervously. She has ears and eyes and really gets the picture. You've invested the time, now put a little talent into the visit and make it magic for at least one of you.
Bring her a little something A Hershey bar can be just as big a winner as a box of Godiva chocolates.
What would she say if she dared upset you?
Dear, I know this is somewhat awkward for both of us, but you know what I would like the most in the world? I would like to sit down with you, my grownup child and ask you simply to listen to me while I wind myself down. Oh, I know you say you are listening, but this is what I need to say to you. I need you to open up your world to me. For sometimes my walls seem to be closing in on me. So I ask you to unwrap just a little bit of yourself for me. Tell me what books you are reading, the good movies you have seen, are there any good programs on TV?
I can't watch Laurence Welk forever you know.
And here is something else real important that I wanted to say.
I know you can't be here all the time and we never know when the end draws near. But hey, that is okay with me. I am not fearful of dying. That is one of my rites of passage. So you must not worry or break your neck trying to get here in time. This is something I have to do by myself anyway. So stop fretting. God will be at my side every minute. This probably is not easy for you to hear. but it is good to talk about it once in a while.
I thought it might make you feel better if you knew how I felt about it. I love you to pieces but honest now can you blame me for wanting to go to Heaven where I will see your father again and our Heavenly Father?
Now that will be the time to throw a real party. You must not sorrow too long, for I love each one of you enough to last the rest of your lives.
Just you mind that.
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